Why Is Happiness So Hard?

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WAYNE RIVERS: Hi everyone. This is Wayne Rivers at Performance Construction Advisors where We Build Better Contractors.

This week I want to talk about, well, a question. Why is happiness so hard? It's a good question. Comes from George Stern. You've heard me refer to his work before. He does a great infographic with his articles and they're very helpful to visualize concepts.

Now, what about this is important to you? Well, contractors are driven people. They are very oriented towards mileposts. Move the project forward, hit the schedule, et cetera, et cetera. And you might say that contractors are driven. And I remember reading something from Tony Robbins ages ago. And I was that way. I was driven and every day I got up and there was a new goal and I had to do this and I had to hit that. And I was just edgy, on edge all the time. And I see a lot of contractors in that mode. And I read this thing from Tony Robbins and he said, "You know, I used to be that way. And then I woke up one day and I said, 'Why can't I be a happy achiever?'"

And boy, that was like the scales fell from my eyes. Well, why can't I be a happy achiever? Why can't I achieve things while having fun? And I thought it was a great question. He really caused me to rethink this edginess, this drive, this intensity that I was bringing to work every day. I didn't have to do that. I could be relaxed and still achieve things. Big difference.

All right. Now we'll talk about this phenomenon that high achievers have, which is called the gap. This is a Dan Sullivan concept. We're going to talk about this in a vlog in about four weeks time. But the gap is one of the reasons that high achievers tend to be unsatisfied at work. Now why is happiness so hard according to George Stern? Well, he says that it's evolutionary. As we were evolving as modern human beings, we had to stay alert. We had to scan the environment for danger. We had to be vigilant at all times. Life was very dangerous in those days. And that state of evolutional wariness makes it hard not so much to get happy. It makes it hard to stay happy.

If you think about your own evolution in your career, maybe you hit a milepost and you earned $75,000 a year and you say, "Wow, this is great. I'm going to be able to move out of an apartment and buy a new home. This is terrific." And that makes you happy for a while, but it plateaus. Why? Because you went from your normal, which was your apartment, now you buy a home which made you happy, but that's your new normal. It levels out really quickly. And then suddenly one day you wake up and you're making multiples of $75,000 and you say, "Hey, we can buy a new home, a better home in a better neighborhood and better schools and better this and better that." And that makes you happy for a while. But before long, all that new stuff that you have becomes your new normal and your happiness plateaus.

What do we think is going to make us happy? Well, things. A new home, a new car, a new job or promotion at work, hitting your target weight, achieving your first marathon or whatever it happens to be. We think that's the stuff that makes us happy. And it does temporarily. But there again, once you've done your first marathon, you can say, "I did it." It's your new normal and you plateau out in terms of your happiness.

What has proven to make us happy? What has proven? The first thing is human connection. And by human connection, I mean face to face, person to person connection. And here's a tip. Nine out of 10 employees with a mentor relationship report themselves happy at work. If you have a mentor program in your company, terrific. If you don't, think about how you might design and begin one, at least on a trial scale and see where it goes.

The second thing, experiences versus stuff. The new home, the new car, the new this, we think that's all going to make us happy, but it's experiences that we retain over time. And really, even with the experience, it's the anticipation of the experience. I know my son would go up and down in terms of ... If he had a vacation planned, if we had a trip to Disney or something, he was sky-high, couldn't wait. And then after the trip was over, he was almost depressed because we didn't have ... Unless we had something else on the calendar that he could look forward to, it was the sense of anticipation of an experience of an adventure that really caused him to be happier.

The third thing, time versus money. Time is freedom. If you have time freedom, you have ultimate freedom. Tip here, pay people to do the things you hate. I mowed lawns, not for a living, but to earn spending money as a kid. And maybe as a result of mowing so many lawns in south side Virginia in the summer and the heat and dust, I developed an allergy, which is great. I don't have to mow lawns anymore. I get to pay people to do that stuff. All kinds of services, they're quite affordable, and that's time that I have free to do other things that don't make me sick and don't irritate me.

Daily gratitude, number four. Daily gratitude. We've talked about this 100 times in our vlogs. Simple appreciation at the end of each day or in the morning when you get up, just write down three things that you're grateful for. It could be anything in your personal life. It could be something within yourself. It could be something at work. It could be any number of different things. Three things for which you're grateful, and it will revolutionize your attitude over time.

The fifth thing, kindness towards others. There are so many simple things you can do. Hold that door open for the next person in line. One thing my wife does that really exhibits care is when we go to someone else's house for whatever reason, she always says, "What can I do to help?" So she's volunteering her effort to make something go faster, smoother, better, take the burden off somebody else. It's a very kind and simple thing to do. And my favorite practice is thank you notes. Nobody writes thank you notes, hard copy thank you notes anymore. And I think it's a great practice. That's one of the things you can do to show kindness to other people.

And then finally, the basics. The basics. Get enough sleep, get enough exercise, get enough time outdoors in the sunshine, eat right, do things in moderation, and then find time during your day to dump that technology. Get rid of your laptop, your iPad, your smartphone. Get rid of all that stuff at ... Make a cutoff, 8:00 PM or whatever it is. Get rid of all that stuff and then try to get back to number one, that person to person contact with other human beings.

Okay, what do you think? What do you think of George Stern, Tony Robbins, my opinions? Let's hear from you, [email protected].

This is Wayne Rivers at PCA where We Build Better Contractors.

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